Oh, Am I Crazy?

So I know I am not crazy. But danggg! I make some bad decisions that make it look like I am smh. I was trying to show this guy I still cared, but in the end I messed up our relationship completely by looking like an obsessed crazy girl, fawning like  a dog for some attention. That is so not me when it comes to boys, but that is what it looks like. If I could have taken it back, I would. But clearly it was in God's plan that I do that. So something good will come out of it.

Honestly, I've been trying to be friends with this guy for a while, and not lovers. But I haven't been sincere about it. I wanted to keep him. But in the process of keeping him, I not only grew more emotionally attached, but I was also aiding and abetting in the downfall of a brother. So, I think it's safe to say that me and him are through. He only calls me or texts me when he's high and I hate that because it only reminds me that he wouldn't do it if he were sober. I guess what hurts is that I feel as if I lost an arm, and that he probably feels unaffected. Not only that, but now I am the crazy girl! smh. I need to give this up to God because trying to handle this situation has only made me miserable and nauseous.

Genesis 1:26

"Then God said, 'Let us make human beingst in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.'"


The Lord said "Let us make human beings in our image." That caught my attention. The trinity is real. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All together they make the one Lord our God. So we were created in His (Their) image. 


We as human beings have nothing to fear since we have been given the authority to reign over the creatures of the earth.

I should really start writing my thoughts/analysis on the parts of the Bible that I am on. Aite bet. I shall.

I'm going..I'm gone

People carrying their luggage.
Going places.
Leaving loved ones.
Starting over.

Simply moving forward with their lives,
Or maybe just simply moving on.

I'm going as well.

Leaving my loved ones.
Departing from old friends.
Leaving behind unfinished business.
That, I think haunts me the most.

What if I hadn't said this.
What if I hadn't done this.
What if, what if, what if, what if.
Well. It doesn't matter.

Because I'm going...I'm gone.

I HAVE COMPLETED MY LIST..lol Kinda

1. Go bowling
2. Play Ding-Dong Ditch
3. Hang out with Jamal
4. Go to Gallery Place
5. Go to California Pizza Kitchen
6. Go to Georgetown
7. Go to the movies
8. Go to as many cookouts as possible
9. Go thrifting
10. Sleep over Mikey's house
11. Sleep over Kriti's house
12. Sleep over Steph's house
13. Go to Buffalo Wild Wings
14. Go to Sakura one last time and get that pina colada.
15. Go to Pasta Nostra
16. Get Cold Stones randomly
17. Get Chipotle randomly
18. Hang out with BSMJKJK
19. Hang out with Golda
20. Hang out with Ari.

And a bonus that I HAVE done was go to Ocean City during Beach Week with my friends.  I had a grand old time.

To Do List. Things Completed Thus Far

So I leave on Saturday, *BOO*
but I have completed some things on my list so here it is:

1. Go bowling
2. Play Ding-Dong Ditch
3. Hang out with Jamal
4. Go to Gallery Place
5. Go to California Pizza Kitchen
6. Go to Georgetown
7. Go to the movies
8. Go to as many cookouts as possible
9. Go thrifting
10. Sleep over Mikey's house
11. Sleep over Kriti's house
12. Sleep over Steph's house
13. Go to Buffalo Wild Wings
14. Go to Sakura one last time and get that pina colada.
15. Go to Pasta Nostra
16. Get Cold Stones randomly
17. Get Chipotle randomly
18. Hang out with BSMJKJK
19. Hang out with Golda
20. Hang out with Ari.

And a bonus that I HAVE done was go to Ocean City during Beach Week with my friends.  I had a grand old time.

Today was Blessed, But I Failed to Realize That

Today I cried. Again. Over this boy. Again. Because I saw him at school and he was with his ex-girlfriend. I assume they are currently talking now.

Before you think I'm a weirdo, me and this guy used to be in a relationship of sorts. When I told him that we could not date and be flirtatious with one another because I was trying to focus my life on Christ, he cut me off completely. He told me to delete his number because he was going to delete mine. He has removed me as a friend on Facebook, and he untagged himself from a picture of us together.

It hurt. But I have been trying to give my pain to Christ, and allow God to be the center of my life. But I catch myself thinking about him all the time. But once I pray, those thoughts disappear.

So, today, I had mentally prepared myself to expect him to ignore me, and to flirt with other girls. I had prepared myself for the fact that today was going to be uncomfortable. But my heart dropped and hit the floor with a painful 'thud' when I saw him with his ex. That was painful. My WHOLE mood was done. I kept trying to act happy so that he wouldn't be able see the hurt I was going through. I wanted to appear strong. But I was too weak.

So I prayed to God. And I felt at peace. But then unexpectedly, I saw them again. That blew me. I tried to appear happy on my own, when I should have been praying for wisdom and deliverance.

"Today was truly blessed, but I failed to realize that," because GOD was giving me a way out of my self inflicted misery and I didn't see that. I was making myself more and more miserable, when at each sighting of the couple, I should have prayed for a way to glorify the name of Christ. I should have been able to claim victory for Him, but instead I wallowed in my self pity.

Next time, by the Grace of God, I will glorify His name. Amen.