Today was Blessed, But I Failed to Realize That

Today I cried. Again. Over this boy. Again. Because I saw him at school and he was with his ex-girlfriend. I assume they are currently talking now.

Before you think I'm a weirdo, me and this guy used to be in a relationship of sorts. When I told him that we could not date and be flirtatious with one another because I was trying to focus my life on Christ, he cut me off completely. He told me to delete his number because he was going to delete mine. He has removed me as a friend on Facebook, and he untagged himself from a picture of us together.

It hurt. But I have been trying to give my pain to Christ, and allow God to be the center of my life. But I catch myself thinking about him all the time. But once I pray, those thoughts disappear.

So, today, I had mentally prepared myself to expect him to ignore me, and to flirt with other girls. I had prepared myself for the fact that today was going to be uncomfortable. But my heart dropped and hit the floor with a painful 'thud' when I saw him with his ex. That was painful. My WHOLE mood was done. I kept trying to act happy so that he wouldn't be able see the hurt I was going through. I wanted to appear strong. But I was too weak.

So I prayed to God. And I felt at peace. But then unexpectedly, I saw them again. That blew me. I tried to appear happy on my own, when I should have been praying for wisdom and deliverance.

"Today was truly blessed, but I failed to realize that," because GOD was giving me a way out of my self inflicted misery and I didn't see that. I was making myself more and more miserable, when at each sighting of the couple, I should have prayed for a way to glorify the name of Christ. I should have been able to claim victory for Him, but instead I wallowed in my self pity.

Next time, by the Grace of God, I will glorify His name. Amen.