Embarrassing Moments

Okay. So, I'm awkward. I'm awkward and I'm a Christian. Christian and awkward. Most people don't see me as awkward. I'm cool with that.

However, I am not cool with how many embarrassing moments I have been having as of late. I don't mind my daily trips around school, and I don't mind stuttering in my sentences. What I do mind is that my embarrassing moments have been increasing quite steadily and rapidly in the extreme embarrassing category called "How Embarrassing." The thing about me is that I don't get embarrassed easily. I used to. Not anymore. Like recently I was the co-host of a fashion show and me and the other co-host were on stage for like 10 mins not really speaking. I knew that was embarrassing, yet I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest. But the fact of the matter is, why, WHY are my embarrassing moments increasing in magnitude? Like I realize these things would cause the average person to cringe like a baby, but it doesn't affect me like that.

Thinking. Breathing. Thinking.

As I sit here in my American Indian Studies class, I can't help but recall my txting conversation with my best friend Mikey. She told me that we should take a fast from our friendship for the next three days. I know that sounds odd, but for us, it makes sense. We are so close; we talk throughout our day, everyday. She knows me better than any friend I have ever had. And that's saying something because before Christ I was a very secretive person. No one knew me well, I let people think that they did though.

The problem with us not talking for three days is that the first day I went through shock and now I'm going  through withdrawal. It's weird that this is happening to me. I know my friendship with her is due to God's power and love in both our lives, and I know our friendship is centered around God. But for me to go through withdrawal leads me to believe that, for a while, I have been spending more time with Mikey than I have with God. And Mikey goes to Spelman in ATL, I go to Cornell in NY state. So that is a problem.

God has been telling me since LAST SEMESTER that I need to talk to Him more than I do Mikey, but I ignored Him. I was like, "I'm good, don't worry God, we are still tight!" But we could be even closer, much closer. Now that Mikey started the fast of the friendship, I'm feeling hurt. Very hurt actually.

Thinking still.

I'm Dressing 'Like Me' Challenge- Day 1

!!! The jig is up!!

Phrase Analysis

The Phrase: "God will not give you something you cannot handle." 


I don't know if people realize how much everyone's lives are linked or interconnected to one another. Some of the people who have impacted your life, probably don't think about the incident the way you do, or much at all. And the same goes for you, you have impacted other's lives in a way you could  never imagine.

So how does this relate to the quote? Well, a lot of the time, God has a plan for how He wants us to live our lives in accordance to Him, but instead of following it, we use our free will as an excuse, and choose to do our own thing and create relationships that were not meant to be close one's. In this way, we bring these problems on ourselves. People need to stop blaming God for things that happen to them, because they chose to fall into temptation or create these problems for themselves.

The Take Away: Operate in grace. Be obedient to God's will, His plan for our lives are amazing because to serve God rather than ourselves is for a higher calling, a better purpose. When we do so, yes things will happen to discourage us, but God allows these things to happen not to distress you, but to build you up, create in you a new heart and new mind so that you think with wisdom (Psalm 51:10) and love, and so that others can see you as living proof as to what a Christian should act like and truly be like. Your life is not your own, but was bought through a precious and generous sacrifice. Let us serve our purpose on this earth in accordance to God's will and to bring honor and glory to Him.

Love you.

Deep Revelation: I love my life

This came as a surprise to me as I was sitting here in my room, typing up  my internship essays and listening to 'I Love Your Presence' by Bethel Church. I didn't expect to come to this realization, I thought me loving my life was a given, I mean, who doesn't love their life really? And then I remembered a time not so long ago when I hated myself and hated my life. 

That was a really hard time in my life because I only temporarily loved myself (when I looked good), temporarily loved my life (only when it was going according to my plans), temporarily loved people (when they said nice things and didn't annoy me), and etc. It just occurred to me, that now that I know Jesus Christ, I don't feel temporary happiness. I am literally always satisfied and content. 

Sometimes I get stressed or down, but I never can bring myself to complain thoroughly about it as I used to because I know that I am pleased with the course that my life is now taking and thoroughly happy with the fact that God is using me as a vessel and that He straight up speaks through me to get to others and speaks to me.

Just feeling too blessed and content.

I love you,  and so does Jesus. He loves you more actually, way more than I ever could.

Ps- here is I Love Your Presence by Bethel Church

Enjoy

God Humbled Me

God humbled me, and it was a tough pill to swallow. Yesterday at church, the pastor dissected Matthew 16, more specifically, the incident where Jesus told the disciples that he would soon die, but in three days he would rise. Peter rebuked Jesus and told him, "Never!" will that happen to you. Then Jesus rebuked Peter and told him, "Get thee behind me Satan.."

The pastor said that Peter had arrogantly rebuked Jesus, comfortable in his authority in Christ and relationship with God, he rebuked Jesus, who was telling the disciples the purpose of his life--his life's mission and his only reason for being on the earth. The word arrogant hit me like a brick; I was convicted. I tried to act like that wasn't me though.

Even though Peter had "good intentions" of not wanting Jesus to die because he loved him, Peter did not have "Godly intentions" because he was trying to hinder/block/stop the righteous plan of God. That is Satan's job.

Then later that night, my sister called me on Skype and we were discussing other things and we got on the topic of the church that I regularly attend at school. Basically, I was not only convicted, but God actively humbled me. I feel dejected, lol. I'm laughing because I'm shocked that I didn't see my pride, my arrogance, and my self-righteousness so clearly until now. I've never had this happen to me before, and let me tell you, it hurts something serious. It's nothing like embarrassment; there is a deep-seeded, physical pang that is continuously gnawing at me. 

Having repented, I feel better, but the pang is a reminder that I don't fall to this sin again.