God Humbled Me

God humbled me, and it was a tough pill to swallow. Yesterday at church, the pastor dissected Matthew 16, more specifically, the incident where Jesus told the disciples that he would soon die, but in three days he would rise. Peter rebuked Jesus and told him, "Never!" will that happen to you. Then Jesus rebuked Peter and told him, "Get thee behind me Satan.."

The pastor said that Peter had arrogantly rebuked Jesus, comfortable in his authority in Christ and relationship with God, he rebuked Jesus, who was telling the disciples the purpose of his life--his life's mission and his only reason for being on the earth. The word arrogant hit me like a brick; I was convicted. I tried to act like that wasn't me though.

Even though Peter had "good intentions" of not wanting Jesus to die because he loved him, Peter did not have "Godly intentions" because he was trying to hinder/block/stop the righteous plan of God. That is Satan's job.

Then later that night, my sister called me on Skype and we were discussing other things and we got on the topic of the church that I regularly attend at school. Basically, I was not only convicted, but God actively humbled me. I feel dejected, lol. I'm laughing because I'm shocked that I didn't see my pride, my arrogance, and my self-righteousness so clearly until now. I've never had this happen to me before, and let me tell you, it hurts something serious. It's nothing like embarrassment; there is a deep-seeded, physical pang that is continuously gnawing at me. 

Having repented, I feel better, but the pang is a reminder that I don't fall to this sin again.