Embarrassing Moments

Okay. So, I'm awkward. I'm awkward and I'm a Christian. Christian and awkward. Most people don't see me as awkward. I'm cool with that.

However, I am not cool with how many embarrassing moments I have been having as of late. I don't mind my daily trips around school, and I don't mind stuttering in my sentences. What I do mind is that my embarrassing moments have been increasing quite steadily and rapidly in the extreme embarrassing category called "How Embarrassing." The thing about me is that I don't get embarrassed easily. I used to. Not anymore. Like recently I was the co-host of a fashion show and me and the other co-host were on stage for like 10 mins not really speaking. I knew that was embarrassing, yet I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest. But the fact of the matter is, why, WHY are my embarrassing moments increasing in magnitude? Like I realize these things would cause the average person to cringe like a baby, but it doesn't affect me like that.

Thinking. Breathing. Thinking.

As I sit here in my American Indian Studies class, I can't help but recall my txting conversation with my best friend Mikey. She told me that we should take a fast from our friendship for the next three days. I know that sounds odd, but for us, it makes sense. We are so close; we talk throughout our day, everyday. She knows me better than any friend I have ever had. And that's saying something because before Christ I was a very secretive person. No one knew me well, I let people think that they did though.

The problem with us not talking for three days is that the first day I went through shock and now I'm going  through withdrawal. It's weird that this is happening to me. I know my friendship with her is due to God's power and love in both our lives, and I know our friendship is centered around God. But for me to go through withdrawal leads me to believe that, for a while, I have been spending more time with Mikey than I have with God. And Mikey goes to Spelman in ATL, I go to Cornell in NY state. So that is a problem.

God has been telling me since LAST SEMESTER that I need to talk to Him more than I do Mikey, but I ignored Him. I was like, "I'm good, don't worry God, we are still tight!" But we could be even closer, much closer. Now that Mikey started the fast of the friendship, I'm feeling hurt. Very hurt actually.

Thinking still.

I'm Dressing 'Like Me' Challenge- Day 1

!!! The jig is up!!

Phrase Analysis

The Phrase: "God will not give you something you cannot handle." 


I don't know if people realize how much everyone's lives are linked or interconnected to one another. Some of the people who have impacted your life, probably don't think about the incident the way you do, or much at all. And the same goes for you, you have impacted other's lives in a way you could  never imagine.

So how does this relate to the quote? Well, a lot of the time, God has a plan for how He wants us to live our lives in accordance to Him, but instead of following it, we use our free will as an excuse, and choose to do our own thing and create relationships that were not meant to be close one's. In this way, we bring these problems on ourselves. People need to stop blaming God for things that happen to them, because they chose to fall into temptation or create these problems for themselves.

The Take Away: Operate in grace. Be obedient to God's will, His plan for our lives are amazing because to serve God rather than ourselves is for a higher calling, a better purpose. When we do so, yes things will happen to discourage us, but God allows these things to happen not to distress you, but to build you up, create in you a new heart and new mind so that you think with wisdom (Psalm 51:10) and love, and so that others can see you as living proof as to what a Christian should act like and truly be like. Your life is not your own, but was bought through a precious and generous sacrifice. Let us serve our purpose on this earth in accordance to God's will and to bring honor and glory to Him.

Love you.

Deep Revelation: I love my life

This came as a surprise to me as I was sitting here in my room, typing up  my internship essays and listening to 'I Love Your Presence' by Bethel Church. I didn't expect to come to this realization, I thought me loving my life was a given, I mean, who doesn't love their life really? And then I remembered a time not so long ago when I hated myself and hated my life. 

That was a really hard time in my life because I only temporarily loved myself (when I looked good), temporarily loved my life (only when it was going according to my plans), temporarily loved people (when they said nice things and didn't annoy me), and etc. It just occurred to me, that now that I know Jesus Christ, I don't feel temporary happiness. I am literally always satisfied and content. 

Sometimes I get stressed or down, but I never can bring myself to complain thoroughly about it as I used to because I know that I am pleased with the course that my life is now taking and thoroughly happy with the fact that God is using me as a vessel and that He straight up speaks through me to get to others and speaks to me.

Just feeling too blessed and content.

I love you,  and so does Jesus. He loves you more actually, way more than I ever could.

Ps- here is I Love Your Presence by Bethel Church

Enjoy

God Humbled Me

God humbled me, and it was a tough pill to swallow. Yesterday at church, the pastor dissected Matthew 16, more specifically, the incident where Jesus told the disciples that he would soon die, but in three days he would rise. Peter rebuked Jesus and told him, "Never!" will that happen to you. Then Jesus rebuked Peter and told him, "Get thee behind me Satan.."

The pastor said that Peter had arrogantly rebuked Jesus, comfortable in his authority in Christ and relationship with God, he rebuked Jesus, who was telling the disciples the purpose of his life--his life's mission and his only reason for being on the earth. The word arrogant hit me like a brick; I was convicted. I tried to act like that wasn't me though.

Even though Peter had "good intentions" of not wanting Jesus to die because he loved him, Peter did not have "Godly intentions" because he was trying to hinder/block/stop the righteous plan of God. That is Satan's job.

Then later that night, my sister called me on Skype and we were discussing other things and we got on the topic of the church that I regularly attend at school. Basically, I was not only convicted, but God actively humbled me. I feel dejected, lol. I'm laughing because I'm shocked that I didn't see my pride, my arrogance, and my self-righteousness so clearly until now. I've never had this happen to me before, and let me tell you, it hurts something serious. It's nothing like embarrassment; there is a deep-seeded, physical pang that is continuously gnawing at me. 

Having repented, I feel better, but the pang is a reminder that I don't fall to this sin again.

Photoshoot!

I used to love taking photos and just being in photoshoots, so since I can't put them on FB because I am taking a MUCH needed break from it, why not put them on my bloggy-blog?

In Your Presence - Jenn Johnson

What can I say? I love Jesus. I want to always and forever and EVER be in His presence. I can't imagine being in His absence. I seriously don't know how I survived my life before I knew Him. Surely only by God's beautiful, sweet, and merciful grace. That's for sure. Listen to this song, and be blesseddd!

"If you want it, come and get it,
For crying out loud."

Jesus Christ loves you. Whether you're Muslim, Buddhist, a self-professed Christian with no real relationship to fall back on, or an atheist. Even if you're a Satanist. Jesus loves you. He's real, so give Him a chance to clean you of your blemishes and all the things you regret and even hate about yourself. Before I knew God, I was a wicked thing. I hated people. I was jealous of people. I was EXTREMELY lustful. I would insult people as if I were simply breathing air. My anger was out of control. My testimony is my name. I'm not shy to tell it.

Contact me at ktrinaab@aol.com if you have any questions about God, if you have any questions for me, or if you want a prophesy.

God bless.

Things Don't Have to Match Perfectly

Here's proof:

I Feel Pretty, Oh so Pretty, and Witty!

Necklace, blazer, feathered skirt, and killer heels. Just yess!

Add the bag! lol.

This is what I do when I'm bored, come up with outfits I would wear.

Jesus Culture Spontaneous (You Makes me Happy)

This is so beautiful to me. When you can worship God like there is no one there, just you and Him, not caring whether your voice cracks or if you look like a fool to others. Just you and Him. Real love.

Quite frankly, I don't care if people think I'm weird. My God is my Father. I will go ALL OUT for Him! It's the least I can do.

Psalm 139

Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O LORD, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, LORD.5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,t you are there.9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.17 How precious are your thoughts about me,t O God.
They cannot be numbered!18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.21 O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.


GOD'S LOVE >

"Christian"

I am super annoyed with “Christians.” When I tell people I am born again, they then ask me, “oh so you weren’t a Christian before?” My response is no, because I called myself a Christian when in actuality I had no idea what it was to be a Christian. From now on when people ask me “Oh so you weren’t a Christian before,” I’ll say, “Naw, I was like you. I pretended to be a Christians, but lived my life like a pagan. Going to parties half naked, awakening love too early, being confrontational, and being just plain wicked. No I was definitely not a Christian, I was just like you."

So if you don’t want me to be honest with you, do not ask me. Because I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you in Spirit and Truth.

Just know.

Ode to the Potato

If you know me, you know that I love potatoes. Whether it is french fried, scalloped, mashed, or baked, I enjoy it all.

So please, enjoy my Ode, to the potato.

GNO- Girls Night Out!

If you're getting ready to head out with the girlies, and you want something elegant and photo-worthy, I say go for an interestingly sequinned or glittery cardigan, a beautiful colored top, maybe blue, purple, or even a turquoise, and some funky boots with heels. 

Not only will you feel feminine, but you will also feel like a rock star because of the chunkiness of the boots/heels and the sparkling cardigan.

Oh! Don't forget to add some cute chunky accessories! 

Images courtesy of http://www.fashiolista.com/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAELINE

Michaeline is my sister in Christ. We started off high school not knowing each other very well, but ended it close, super close, through the bond of Jesus Christ. 

Dear Mikey, 

    

from our days of being strangers but "cool" with one another in high school, to members of our high school clique (Black Dahlia/ BSMJKJK), to both of us getting saved in April we have become closer. I love you more than I love myself. Praise God! God will use us in 2012. We will be a testament to His power, performing miracles of sheer wonder! I thank God for your life. Sorry this post was late lol. 

Love you, 

KhadijaLani

Check out her sites!

http://divinerebellion.blogspot.com/

http://divinerebellion.tumblr.com/

Laura Hackett - Magnificent Obsession

I love this song. It's so beautiful and romantic. It really exemplifies how our relationship with Christ needs to be intimate. We must know Him, and He must know us. 

"Rightly I say, how I love Him."

Jesus Culture- One Thing Remains

Verse 1:
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing... Remains (repeat)

Chorus:
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me (3x)

Verse 2:
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains

Bridge:
In death, In life, I'm confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there's nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love

Ephesians 4:19-27

"19 They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity.
20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes."

"..throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life.."

That line is very powerful. When you have been saved, you accept being a follower of Christ. Your old sinful nature no longer has hold over you and no longer has dominion over you. You have to make a conscience effort to daily, hourly, and even minutely live for Christ and stop succumbing to the desires that the Devil is trying to tempt you with. Being saved doesn't necessarily mean that you are "home free," being saved means that your eyes are open and with this new knowledge of knowing that you can do anything through God because of His power and love, you must trust Him and love Him. It's a daily struggle because your flesh is constantly fighting against your spirit-man, the Christ that lives in you. You must literally "throw off" your sinful nature. Cast it off. It has no hold over you. If you continually sin, it's because you haven't yet realized this. You're still in the mentality that you are in bondage.

"24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”t Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil."

"..for anger gives a foothold to the devil."

Speaking from personal experience, this is true. I was frustrated with God for not speaking to me, and angry because I thought that I was doing everything in my power to seek Him but I wasn't being rewarded within the time-frame that I had hoped for. So I decided to get back at God. To make Him angry...make Him upset. I just wanted Him to notice. But you see, it should have never gotten to that point. My frustration lead to anger and when that shift had occurred, the devil got a foothold. And from there, it just continued to grow. This past week has probably been the most tumultuous week in my Christian walk, but God delivered me. The devil has really been working hard, and I was too weak-willed to see that. 

Moral of the story: Never be angry at God. Pay Satan no mind, do not give him the time of day. Just be faithful to the Lord and seek Him. Sincerely seek Him. 

Happy Birthday Stephy!

 I know I'm late, but my best friend Steph had a Birthdayyy! I love this girl with all my heart. We've been friends since middle school but we became closer when we went to two different high schools freshman year. I wouldn't change her or our entire friendship. I love her family too! It's funny how sometimes you meet people, and you don't even realize how much of an impact they've made on you.
Anyways, let me not get sentimental!
We had diner at Busboys & Poets and it was fabuloussss! Food was good, friends were good, atmosphere was good. It was a cool reunion coming back from college.